I Accidentally Brought My Toaster To Life
Q: Dr. Toast, I need help! I accidentally brought my toaster to life and now it is trying to kill me and my family with a can of Cheez Whiz! What do I do??!
– Mikey (Mikey6585@xxxxx.com)
A: Mikey, do not be alarmed at your toaster’s unprovoked aggression. This is completely normal. You see, a toaster that has been unexpectedly brought to life simply needs time to adjust to its new environment. Take it by its cord and gently lead it on a leisurely tour around your home. Let it explore one room at a time, at its own pace. Show it where its food and water are kept, and talk to it in calm, reassuring tones.
If you give your toaster the love and attention it needs, keep it fed and groomed, and bring it in for regular visits at a factory authorized service center, you will be rewarded with many years of loyal companionship, unconditional love, and fresh, crispy toast.
– Dr. Toast
October 17th, 2005 at 10:48 am
I think you handled that situation quite nicely.
November 26th, 2005 at 10:43 am
no you didnt, what has actually occured is that your toaster has fooled you into believing it is animated, darned clever these machines n’est pas? (forgive me, my french is awful)
December 8th, 2005 at 11:43 am
I love you!
February 6th, 2006 at 4:34 am
its happaning the toasters are out for revenge
February 16th, 2006 at 5:42 pm
my toaster came after me while i was sleeping, with a rusty spoon from our kitchen, i heard this bang downstairs and then this scrapping noise which i presume was my toaster shuffling across my floor then there was a series of clanks as it climed up my stairs my door slowly opened and my toaster was growling at me feircely it then jumped at me and i only just got away, my bed spread was slashed to peices. then my toaster jumped out my window and i havnt seen it since! though there have been reports of toaster attacks in my neighbourhood……why did my toaster attack me in such a violent manner?! and do you think it will come back to finish me?!
February 17th, 2006 at 6:28 am
like i sed its a toastalution we r all gonna die the age of the toasters is near
October 3rd, 2006 at 4:22 am
herro
i am very lonely and i bought a toaster for a friend it is very nice
though its ex who is a captus wants revenge on mr toaster!!!
January 31st, 2007 at 8:16 am
wow, my toater tried to escape using my toast as a hostage the other day i was very upset cuz i was looking forwards to eating that toast, i was angry by now so attacked it with a rusty spork, igot grounded and had to replace the mutilated toaster. but know this, if threatened by killer toasters or anything of the like, use a spork
Think, carry a spork!!!