Dr. Toast’s Amazing World of Toast

by Johnny Insipid
touchmythingy@hotmail.com

HELLO, AND WELCOME,

As a member of Toastmasters International I shall speak to you a speech. On toast. And of it’s mysteries.

My speech begins as thus:

People will fear the many things they do not understand. Some do not understand war or perhaps the beauty seen from a really good height. Some fear spiders. For others, of too great a number, it is toast.

But what is it that urges these sorry souls to consume (not only at breakfast, but all times of the day) their own heart-weakening horror? Um, they’re probably hungry. Still, it is only in education that people will quell there mad, mad, madness.

You know how bread will sit and either become A:really moldy or B:old and crusty? (hhmmm…kinda like people I guess. maybe this is the root of the fear) This is due to the aging of bread. Yet we come to A or B in different enviroments; where A will become edibly unattractive, B becomes very much like toast. Thus, the obvious answer is that the toaster is a ‘Flash-Aging Device’.

Now hear me out. The toaster is a unit of toasting technology which, within it’s walls, speeds up time for whatever may be present. When we add a bread product (read: pre-pubescant toast) we bombard it with the energy of time travel producing bread type B. So much heat is spent in time travel that we receive a toast with a nice tan (depending on how far we age it)

And there you have it. Personally I joined Toastmaster International for the obvious reason. To meet women. However I’m happy to say that due to being a better speaker, I have found the strength to face my fears. I am a master of toast it is true, of 53 different types of toast found all over the world.

Thank you. God bless and good night.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, August 10th, 2005 at 3:37 am and is filed under Toast Articles. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.