Dr. Toast’s Amazing World of Toast

The modern toaster takes an average of 141 seconds to make toast.  I personally like to make use of this time to close my eyes, breathe deeply of the gently wafting aroma, perhaps compose a new toast haiku or two.  But if you’re the busy high-powered executive type for whom an extra 90 seconds means just enough time to cancel the office Christmas party or to fire an underperforming subordinate or two, this Turbo Toaster boasts toast in under a minute by blowing superheated air onto that bewildered slice from two directions at once.  Then you can gobble down your toast and conquer the world!  Huzzah!

By now I’m sure most of you are familiar with that great Heywood Banks song, “Yeah Toast!” Well, what you may not know is that way back in 1984, a band by the name of The Lemmings wrote their own slightly darker song about toast. Listen!

“You say you love me. You need me. You like toast
But I watch your movements and I can see that you lie
I’m with you. I watch you. I notice you.
Now I know that you don’t like toast at all…

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Behold a short animation that uses naught but toasted bread to tell a tale. A tale of a little glistening pink cube named Spam. But why toast? Because the authors (somewhat dubiously) claim it to be “Spam’s closest friend.”

Monday, December 31, 2007 - Dr. Toast is warming up the new year with crispy, toasty goodness in a time-traveling adventure set in a San Francisco underground warehouse.  False Profit presents: SHIFT. Also featuring Alxndr, benchun, DJJD, Maer, Obi-j, DJ Spaceinvader, F’kir, Genji, Hypnotech, and Kitty-D.  Be sure to visit the Trans-Temporal Saloon and Sensorium during your stay!

Breakfast wonderland
Clouds of steam rising frozen
From hot buttered toast