Q: My clone and I woke up this morning with a craving for french toast. We just happened to be online when we looked up “toast” hoping for… well, we didn’t really know what we were hoping for. Then we found you.
Anyway, our question is: how did you become a certified doctor of toast, and does it pay well?
– Olga and her clone (SonicEclps@xxxxx.com)
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Q: What condiment do you recommend for my toast?
– Mr. Cheesebucket (bfrench@xxxxx.edu)
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Q: Why are you not Dr. Toast in Bolivia? Is Dr. Toast trademarked there? Does your degree in all things toast not translate into Latin cultures? Do you ever wonder why a cold-fusion toaster would be a bad thing?
– Yours in toast, Katie (avatrice@xxxxx.net)
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Q: What do I do with burnt toast? Is burnt toast even still considered toast?
Blackened in Beantown (chacker@xxxxx.edu)
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Q: I have a burning toast question. I hate it when you have a nice slice of yummy, yet untoasted, bread which is a little too thick or a little too long to fit into the slot of the toaster. Is there anything I can do to transform this piece of “virgin” toast into the crispy, steamy, crunchy, warm toast that it longs to be without chopping it up and being left with undesirable pieces of raw bread?
– Befuddled in Boston (chacker@xxxxx.edu)
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Q: Dr. Toast, my toaster has this extremely annoying habit of over-cooking one side of the toast and leaving the other side almost raw. I have tried just about everything to solve this problem, but nothing will work.
Can you help?
– Kate (pseamer@xxxxx.au)
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Q: I have no questions to ask of your high intellect, as I have seen the light, and I live in the perpetual glow of toast. You may know me as the High Priest of Buttermilk Wheat, guardian of The Shrine to Toast. My busy schedule of preaching the Word to the masses has kept me from doing research on virtual toast, so this is the first time I have stumbled upon your words of wisdom. I enjoyed your page very much and you will recieve an honorable mention on my page of links which I will be updating this weekend.
Keep up the good work.
– Celeste (cramsay@xxxxx.com)
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Q: Dr. Toast, is there such a thing as having an addiction to toast? I can’t seem to get through my day without eating a slice of warm toast in the morning, and this really scares me, Doc. And if so, is there a support group out there that can help me?
– Your Pal, Skippy “Crunchy” P.B. (egu25989@xxxxx.edu)
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Q: Dr. Toast, your knowledge of the toaster astounds and amazes me. How did you come to learn so much about toast?
– An Inquiring Mind (mango@xxxxx.edu)
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Q: Dr. Toast, my toaster displays the alarming syndrome in which my toast is shot across the room, often to distances reaching up to 3 or 4 feet. If I am not present when this occurs, I have to waste my time hunting for the toast in some obscure corner of the room. This disturbs me. Is there anything that can be done?
– Jennifer (j@xxxxx.com)
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