Dr. Toast’s Amazing World of Toast

Q: Thank you for your outstanding efforts to produce quality toast. You are an inspiration to all beings in the universe that appreciate the finer aspects of toast. We here at B.U.T.T.E.R. regard your presence as an indication that the cosmic collective consciousness is swinging towards equilibrium, and soon toast will be understood and appreciated for its universal relevance. Please keep up the good work and know that we will be watching for all future developments.

Thank You,

G. Blandston (_____@butter.net)
Chairman,
Bureau for Ultimate Tasting Toast Experimentation and Research

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Dear Dr. Toast,

We accidentally found your website during our search for some information about the toast’s history and its consumer habits. We are 10 students from Germany who are participating at a famous marketing/design competition and our task is to create a complete new strategy/commercials for a very famous Toast Brand. To win this competition you could help us, as you are a famous toast doctor. We are sure you can help us to answer our questions [below]. It would be sooo helpful to get some answers. We will name your help in our presentation.

Thank you so much,

– Angela from Germany (angeladies@xxxxx.com)

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Q: Dear Dr.,

You have an incredible site. I am completing a cookbook dedicated to my wife, who is now on her fourth occurrence of ovarian cancer and five of chemo.

One section of this book is dedicated to yourself and asking people to send you more recipes and visit your website often. There are maybe 15 entries with full credit to you and the author. I do not like to infringe and rather ask you.

I would be very happy to send you the final draft copy of this book. Perhaps you could give some thoughts to me.

Who knows, perhaps my works would inspire you to go publish your vast wealth of information. I would even offer to help you out with you project should you go foward.

Your loyal follower,

John (jmullet@xxxxx.com)

Winter Park, Florida

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Q: okay, do note my email address. it’s true. i hate toast. i think it’s a crunchy to soft bread ratio issue. croutons are the worst for me. i just want you to know that i have received this web site from many of my students who think my issues with toast are nuts.

you are quite the site for about 100 4th and 5th graders now.

i’ve bookmarked it, because i might not like the stuff, but i love information. it’s a great site!

– kt (ihatetoast@xxxxx.com)

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Q: Please tell me why my raisins that fall into the bottom of the toaster catch on fire.

Thank you very much.

– Pam (UpstatePam@xxxxx.com)
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Q: I have an old toaster. When I put a slice of toast in the toaster and press the lever down it goes down, but when it comes back up it isn’t toasted enough. So I press it back down it comes right back up so I hold the lever down it makes a funny noise. Why does it do that?

– wanting to know why (jastef@xxxxx.net)
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Q: My toast always jams in the toaster when it is supposed to eject. I have had this problem with many different brands of toasters. What is your recommendation?

Look forward to your reply,

– Broken toasted hearted (spycc@xxxxx.au)
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Q: I too value the ideal toast. I have been experimenting lately with all sorts of modifications to my toasting technique, which, I might add, is quite good. Switching plug orientation, adjusting the room temperature, and synchronization with lunar cycles have all proved indespensible techniques. However, now that I am approaching the height of toast enlightenment, I am most perplexed by one question: What is the proper way to insert toast?

– Toasted in New Haven (ophir.klein@xxxxx.edu)
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Q: Does toasting bread reduce calories or carbohydrates?

– Joslin (rjoslin@xxxxx.com)
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Q: Dr. Toast, I need help! I accidentally brought my toaster to life and now it is trying to kill me and my family with a can of Cheez Whiz! What do I do??!

– Mikey (Mikey6585@xxxxx.com)
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