Dr. Toast’s Amazing World of Toast

Amy pointed me to this item on Valleywag: “A friend of an animator laid off from a recently imploded East Bay videogames startup writes to pimp the newly unemployed buddy’s latest venture: selling toast on eBay. But not just any toast — it’s toast that will be lovingly sculpted into the shape of each of America’s 50 great states. First up? Texas. You laugh now, but you won’t think it’s such a terrible idea when the recession has you out on the street and your options underwater.”

From the Breakfast Institute, the research division of MrBreakfast.com, comes this exhaustive list of ways to enjoy toast. Have you considered cranberry-jalapeno jam? Or artichoke dip, or pimento cheese spread, or tangy lime butter, or sauteed mushrooms and chives, or brie with maple syrup, or homemade vanilla sugar spread? Check out all 326!

FilmThreat.com reviews this 10-minute gem from Neverthought Films:

“The Toaster That Toasted The Golden Toast” actually isn’t as serious a film as the name implies, which is a pretty telling statement.

In this absurd 10-minute short by writer/director/producer Danny Bourque (a University of New Orleans student filmmaker), two slackers stumble upon a magical toaster while shopping in a thrift store. The toaster, which has the power to turn any bread, muffin or bagel into gold, is the store’s prized possession - it was not intended for purchase.

The guys who acquired the toaster, upon realizing their good fortune, immediately begin buying bulk quantities of white bread. The irritated shopkeeper discovers it was sold by accident and sends out a devastating pair of henchmen (one kung fu master, one sumo wrestler) to reclaim it.

The jewel of the movie is a silly chase scene and dramatic rooftop fight sequence. While certainly not the only rooftop fight scene in motion picture history, the climax in “The Toaster That Toasted The Golden Toast” may in fact be the only one that prominently involves a toaster in the action. It’s a wonderfully shot scene, full of quick cuts and epic brawling that would make Chuck Norris proud.

The film even drops a lesson at the end as the shopkeeper, a petite but powerful woman, reminds her rivals that with great power comes great responsibility.

Bizarre? Sure. Funny? Yep. And it goes well with butter, margarine or jam.

Another groundbreaking toast couture item from Archie McPhee - the Toast Wallet! “Keep your bread in bread.”

Wow. From Archie McPhee: “Toast is great, but it’s hard to keep in your pocket. So what do you do when you crave the warm comfort of toast but don’t want to deal with the crumbs? You pull out your Inflatable Toast, blow it up and admire its realistic toasty goodness! Each soft vinyl slice of toast is 6″ tall and has a standard inflation valve.” Get yours today!

If you’re going to play with your food, you should play to WIN. And with this item, you can handily defeat all of your “slow” friends, while savoring the taste of victory. Literally! Because you get to eat the toast! Get it??!

Yes, it’s a refillable toast-shaped post-it note dispenser. What more could you possibly ask for in life?

The modern toaster takes an average of 141 seconds to make toast.  I personally like to make use of this time to close my eyes, breathe deeply of the gently wafting aroma, perhaps compose a new toast haiku or two.  But if you’re the busy high-powered executive type for whom an extra 90 seconds means just enough time to cancel the office Christmas party or to fire an underperforming subordinate or two, this Turbo Toaster boasts toast in under a minute by blowing superheated air onto that bewildered slice from two directions at once.  Then you can gobble down your toast and conquer the world!  Huzzah!

By now I’m sure most of you are familiar with that great Heywood Banks song, “Yeah Toast!” Well, what you may not know is that way back in 1984, a band by the name of The Lemmings wrote their own slightly darker song about toast. Listen!

“You say you love me. You need me. You like toast
But I watch your movements and I can see that you lie
I’m with you. I watch you. I notice you.
Now I know that you don’t like toast at all…

read more…

Behold a short animation that uses naught but toasted bread to tell a tale. A tale of a little glistening pink cube named Spam. But why toast? Because the authors (somewhat dubiously) claim it to be “Spam’s closest friend.”